


i am (not) a fool entire

by thegirlofsmarts



Series: widojest week 2020 [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, POV Third Person, a few npcs are mentioned but not explicitly shown, a few npcs i made up for the sake of the story, angst at the end, fake married couple relationship, some slight spoilers (ep85 to be specific) about jester's parentage, the things you do to to complete a mission, this is Technically canon divergence but im too much of a coward to post to the tag specifically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24958330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirlofsmarts/pseuds/thegirlofsmarts
Summary: When in doubt, pretending to be a couple never goes wrong— except when it does.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Series: widojest week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1803091
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42
Collections: Widojest Week 2020





	i am (not) a fool entire

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: dressed up  
> title: bitter water - the oh hellos

"This is _schtewpid_ ," Jester declared in the accented way she always pronounced certain words, crossing her arms over her chest, and everyone could not have agreed more.

“We don’t really have any other good options,” Fjord tried to reason, however reluctant.

“And having me pretend to be some _seductress_ to slip into this wedding to seduce the groom to _maybe_ get good information _if_ we’re _lucky_ is a _good option_?” she exclaimed, her voice practically shrill and her arms animatedly showing her distress and everyone took an interest in everything else in the inn’s rented room that wasn’t her, and it only made her more frantic— that everyone was just _ignoring_ her concern. She took a shaky breath to try and steady herself and even out her emotions. “Look, what I’m saying is that I’m not very good at lying and I could not seduce to save my life, which is quite possible considering what’s at stake, so could we at least reconsider a few things? Why don’t we use Fjord— we’ve all seen him charm practically every girl we’ve ever met, _and_ with good success!”

“Fjord is a more important asset by pretending to be a guard,” Caduceus gently reminded her and her frown deepened at the reminder. “Plus, the bride has been shown to be fairly loyal to where her heart lies— I don’t think it’s worth risking to seduce her just in case it blows up in our faces.”

“Then what about Beau or Yasha?” Jester argued, desperation clear in her voice. “ _They_ can seduce the groom! Traci could make her debut again!”

“The last time she made her debut, things didn't go very well,” Beau told her, wincing a little at the memory. “Plus Yasha is not… the most charismatic. Or even close to being good at lying.”

“Why seduce at all?” Caleb suggested, his brows drawn deep in thought, his arms crossed. “I’m sure if you decide to mingle at the wedding and talk to all the guests, you will probably still find the same information.”

There was a chorus of agreement from the rest of the Nein and Jester felt so grateful, she could’ve kissed him (but she wasn’t going to _obviously_ because she was more professional than that). She nodded enthusiastically in agreement, showing that she was very much quite in favor of a plan of no seduction on her end.

“You do like to talk to random strangers,” Beau supplied, and she couldn’t argue against that, remembering how overly friendly she was to every stranger they met, many becoming friends of theirs now. “I think if anyone would be up to the task, it’d be you.”

“Sure,” she agreed, glad that most of the buzzing nerves were dying away, though a few still lingered incessantly, and she tried to ignore it, not wanting to think about _why_ that was the case. “It’s a better plan than me being a _seductress_.”

She made a face and gagged, everyone chuckling and laughing and she moved to do the same, had she not seen piercing blue eyes stare at her a little curiously in her peripheral view, still with his arms crossed. She turned her head to fully capture his gaze just as he opened his mouth: “We could have someone pair up with you to cover more ground, just so you don’t need to bear so much responsibility to yourself.”

The last of her nerves fell away as everyone made noises of agreement, and she didn’t even realize that the overwhelming responsibility of heading the main part of the mission alone was making her nervous. “Oh Cayleb, you’re so smart! We could pretend to be a married couple so it doesn’t seem so suspicious, too!”

“Oh, um,” Caleb started, flushing and blinking as if trying to comprehend what was going on, “it doesn’t have to be _me_. It was just a general suggestion.”

She felt disappointed, her face momentarily scrunching up in confusion as to why. Beau spoke up: “Why _not_ , though? We already have Fjord on guard duty, so we don’t really _need_ to have you on as well— we can even have Veth be invisible nearby so she can send you a Message if something comes up. Seems like the perfect plan to me.”

“Alright, _ja_ , that’s fine by me, then,” Caleb agreed, a little apprehensively perhaps. Jester gasped dramatically, coming upon a sudden realization, making everyone stare at her with curiosity.

“Oh my gosh, that means we can go _shopping_ for clothes!” she exclaimed, her mind racing with what she could wear. Oh man, would sleeves be a good idea? Maybe if she wore a sundress, but was that unprofessional for a wedding?

“What’s wrong with the clothes we bought last time? I stored them in the vault for a reason, remember?” Caleb inquired, his tone not condescending but more of a gentle reminder. Jester huffed out a breath.

“Well, _yeah_ , but what’s wrong with a little shopping trip? We could discuss what our backstory should be, too!” she excitedly reasoned and she could see he was suppressing a smile, so she gave him a fake pout and batted her eyes to sweeten the deal. “Please?”

“ _Ja_ , okay, okay,” he gave in and she beamed at him, his composure breaking and letting himself give her a small smile. He cleared his throat and turned his gaze away from her. “Anything else we need to discuss about the plan?”

“Nope,” Veth announced, bouncing on the bed out of sheer boredom and the others tried to not let it distract them. “I think we have all our bases covered with this plan.”

“Well, just to reiterate our plan,” Fjord said, pointing at those he mentioned, “Caleb and Jester will be posing as a married couple to gain information from the guests, Caduceus will be in the kitchen as part of the catering team just in case any information passes through the workers, Veth and I will be on standby as guards to notify you of any trouble, and Beau and Yasha will be on standby as backup if needed, but are otherwise just standing around.”

“This sounds like a very well put together plan, I must say,” Caduceus mused. “I think everything should go smoothly if we all play our part.”

“What if something goes wrong?” Yasha asked, worry lines forming on her face. “Do we kill someone, then?”

“We’re not allowed to,” Beau reminded her, a little disappointed by it. “If we even hurt them a little bit, the Gentleman will definitely kill us. Remember that a lot of the people attending this wedding are his clients and business partners, so if they die, _we_ die.”

“Or worse!” Veth piped up, still jumping on the bed as it noisily creaked.

“Or worse,” Beau repeated grimly, side eyeing the jumping halfling who stuck her tongue out at her in response.

“Well, I think that adjourns our meeting, then,” Fjord suggested, looking to everyone to see if any of them objected. “Wedding’s tomorrow so if any of you have problems with the plan, say so now or forever hold your peace.”

Beau glared at him. “Really, man? A wedding joke?”

Fjord played innocent to her accusation and as the two continued to trade blows, the rest decided to slip away, seeing that the meeting was clearly over. Jester grabbed Caleb by the wrist and pulled him with her as they followed Caduceus out before parting ways at the door, the two of them continuing to make their way to the entrance of the inn while Caduceus made his way to his own room at the inn. When they finally made it out, she had let go but still looked at him excitedly with a wicked gleam in her eye. “Are you ready to go _shopping_ , Cayleb?”

He couldn’t help but smile at her and her excitement. “Ready as one can be, _ja_.”

She beamed again at him before turning away and beginning to walk, him following her as she led the way to any places that could procure clothes fit for a wedding. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” he easily responded, finding it hard to say no to her as they matched pace and her eyes wandering to each building to see anything through the windows and signs.

“Why didn’t you want to be paired up with me?” she asked in a quiet voice, her head turned away from him deliberately. He blinked, a little confused.

“Why do you ask?”

“Earlier, when you offered your suggestion so I didn’t have to do it alone, you said you didn’t mean yourself,” she explained, turning her head so she could gauge his reaction in her peripheral view. “Did you want someone else to do it?”

“Did _you_?”

“ _What_?” she asked, a little incredulous and turning to face him but found he was taking his turn to ignore her gaze by staring straight ahead towards the horizon. She huffed, and crossed her arms in frustration.

“I could tell you didn’t want to do it alone, so I suggested otherwise,” he finally said after a few moments of silence passed between them, his gaze not straying. “I hadn’t meant to volunteer myself since I’m sure any other member of the Nein would’ve been more viable than myself.”

“ _Cayleb_ ,” Jester said firmly and stopped walking, him soon following suit. She waited for him to look at her before she continued. “Thank you for stepping in. I _want_ you to be here with me on the mission. So please do not beat yourself up thinking I wish I could have anyone else here with me.”

He smiled sadly at her, the two of them standing in the middle of the road. “You’re too sweet to me, Jester. Thank you.”

She smiled in turn, and nodded her chin forward. “I think that’s a clothing store up ahead. We should go check it out!”

He didn’t get a chance to reply as she was already grabbing him by the wrist for the second time that day and dragging him to the store, watching her eyes excitedly roam over bolts of fabric and clothing on racks, his eyes on her all the while.

* * *

Then came the day of the wedding. The two had chosen clothes that strayed on the more modest side much to Jester’s dismay, but Caleb reasoned with her that this was a _wedding_ and pulling attention from the two being wed was not a smart choice, so she begrudgingly gave in. She settled on a red chiffon dress with lace bodice and a skirt that reached just below her knees while Caleb decided to stick to his old formal attire, even as Jester protested that they couldn’t have just gone all this way for only _her_ to get a dress. He only told her that she’s accompanied him on many shopping trips for his sake for spell components before, so this only seemed most fair, and she couldn’t argue against that, so she dropped it. They hadn’t talked much about their cover story, but all Jester had to say to that was that they could just make it up as they went and then skipped away to the jeweler’s they had passed by to pick out a thin silver chain and a pair of rings that they could use to pass as wedding rings. (Then Jester joked that he should propose to her and all he could do was stutter before she laughed and slid the ring on his finger for him before doing the same for herself, and he thought he was about to die from how hot he was feeling in his fur-lined coat.) It was early morning, the entirety of the Mighty Nein bustling to get dressed and remember their part to play and tweaking the finer details of the plan.

“Jester!” Beau called out, knocking loudly on her inn door, ignoring any glares she was getting for disrupting the peaceful morning. “You remembered to send a message to your dad to get you and Caleb on the guest list, right?”

“Yes, Beau!” she shouted in response behind the door, and she had— for once— remembered to cast Sending and being responsible about it. “Is Caleb ready?”

“I’ll check!” And with that, she was gone. Jester flattened nonexistent wrinkles from the front of her dress, readjusting the straps and the thin silver necklace that matched her horns and earrings until it was basically perfect. She heard a quiet knock at the door and, assuming it was Caleb, cracked open the door and was surprised to see Yasha there instead.

“Yasha!” She widened the door and ushered her friend in. “What’s up? Did something go wrong? Do I need to kill someone?”

“Oh, no— nothing like that,” she reassured her, before adding: “Not yet.”

“Good, because this dress will cover up any blood stains if you _do_ need someone to die,” Jester said, shutting the door behind her, twirling in front of Yasha and the skirt billowed around her knees. “How do I look?”

“Stunning,” she said truthfully and she beamed at her compliment. “I was wondering if I could, uh, do your hair with some flowers I found outside the inn.”

Jester gasped dramatically, her hands going to her face. “Really? That would be so sweet of you, Yasha— thank you!”

She smiled shyly and Jester sat down on her bed, patting beside her for Yasha to sit down, which she did. It didn’t take long, and when she was finished, she found herself mesmerized by what looked like daisies in her hair. “Do you like it?”

“Like it? Yasha, I _love_ it so much!” She hugged her tightly and she felt strong arms return the gesture before they pulled away. “Do you have any spare flowers? I should give some to Cayleb so we can match!”

“You mean your dress and his coat aren’t intentional?” she asked, already carefully passing the spare flowers into Jester’s open hands, who gasped at the realization.

“I didn’t notice that!” she exclaimed, an excited gleam twinkling in her eyes. “Still, I think flowers in Cayleb’s hair would be pretty cool.”

“Well, then go for it— who am I to stop you?” Yasha gave a knowing smile, and Jester didn’t have time to unpack all that when a knock came at the door. She jumped up from the bed and strode over, shifting all the flowers carefully to one hand before turning the knob to crack open the door, seeing that— this time— it was Caleb.

“You ready?”

“Yeah, but come inside real quick!” She opened the door wider for him to enter.

“Can I ask why?” But he was already stepping inside, dressed in the only formal attire he had. He noticed Yasha still waiting on the bed, awkwardly waving at him— who waved back with the same awkwardness. “Hello Yasha.”

“You need to have flowers in your hair too!” Jester declared and dragged him to the bed and sat him next to Yasha, who shrugged when he gave her a questioning stare. “Oh, Yasha— if you want to leave, you can! I can do this, since I’m sure you want to eat some breakfast?”

“Are you and Caleb not going to eat?” she asked, but was already standing up and beginning to walk to the door.

“We’ll just eat at the wedding!” Jester cheerfully replied, her gaze set on Caleb’s hair and strewing flowers into it carefully so that they didn’t fall out with a simple nod of his head. “Cayleb, stay still!”

“I’m trying, but you are breathing down my neck,” he huffed out, his entire face on the road to being beet red. She sighed, tucking a daisy in the red ribbon tied in a simple knot that held back his hair. She could hear a door being shut, and figured that was Yasha taking her cue to leave. “We have almost exactly an hour to get to the chapel for the wedding.”

“ _Relax_ ,” she said while turning his head to tuck another daisy behind his ear, “we’re not going to be late.”

* * *

They ended up being late.

But then again, so were the bride and groom, so they weren’t really _late_ late, just _early_ late. (At least, that was according to Jester.) They decided to idly stand around like many of the other guests who were talking amongst themselves.

“I can’t believe my dad knows so many people,” she mused cheerfully, glancing around energetically to try and get a good look at each guest before she gave a quiet gasp. “I wonder how many of them he’s hooked up with.”

Her glancing around started to turn to staring daggers at a few people she thinks might have fallen prey to her father. He smiled at her antics, but muttered to her: “ _Ja_ , well remember to not kill any of them, or he’s going to kill _us_.”

“Yeah, yeah— he’d never kill me,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand, but had stopped looking at the guests, seemingly bored for the moment but leaned closer to him with a grin and a wicked gleam in her eyes. “I bet he’s _definitely_ slept with that elven lady over there. With the brown and red hair.”

He turned to look and saw who she was talking about, her bright and somewhat frizzy hair immediately catching his attention and gave Jester a sideways grin. “You think she stayed for the morning?”

She scoffed. “ _No_. She probably got run out of the room because he had business to take care of. Maybe a super sexy meeting with someone else.”

She raised her eyebrows at him suggestively and he couldn’t help but laugh. “Truly an incredible insight you are gifted with.”

“Oh! I didn’t get to ask you earlier: how do I look?” she asked excitedly, twirling around and the red chiffon swishing around her knees and daisies moving out of place, but still held themselves in her hair.

“Stunning as always,” he replied softly, her heart catching on the soft tenderness of his voice. She beamed at him and clasped her hands together, just for something to do to not feel awkward.

“And who are you, pretty lady?” She turned her head to the new voice, surprised to see it was the elven woman she was talking about earlier, momentarily coming under a panic for being caught before she saw her face had no malice, only curiosity. She heard Caleb clear his throat next to her.

“Ah, _hallo_ ,” he said awkwardly, and she put a hand on his back for emotional support. “Do we know each other?”

She laughed and Jester found herself charmed at how it sounded like bells. “Oh, no— nothing like that. Was just wondering what a pretty blue tiefling like you was doing here.”

“Ah, _mein leibchen_ ,” he introduced, and she found herself a little surprised he was using Zemnian so readily outside of yes and thank you and the occasional swear. “This is my wife, Jester.”

Her heart unexpectedly swelled at those words and she drew herself closer to him to ignore the feeling, smiling at the elven woman across from them. She seemed a little surprised by his Zemnian, but easily brushed it off. “And you? Surely the husband’s got a name?”

“Ah, Caleb— Caleb Widogast,” he answered, still working through the awkward energy. “What is yours, if I may be so inclined to ask?”

“Iveris, but feel free to call me Ivy,” she said easily, rolling a lock of her hair between her fingers almost mesmerizingly. “Say, how did the two of you know the bride and groom?”

“Well,” Jester began, seeing Caleb completely blue screen at the question, “don’t tell anyone but I used to date one of the bride’s old friend’s _friend_ and apparently _those_ two still kept in pretty okay touch and he’s the one who invited me as his plus one, but I guess he didn’t get the memo I was married or something? But I decided to go anyway with my husband as my _plus_ plus one, because who am I to turn down some free cake?”

She and Ivy laughed and Caleb took a second to recover before he awkwardly smiled along. “You sure are something, I will say. I should get bustling to my seat, though— got a feeling the bride and groom are about to make their way through the chapel doors.”

She gave a wave with a bit of a fancy flourish to her fingers and Jester excitedly waved back, charmed by her personality and almost Southern-like drawl. “Man, I take it back— she _totally_ stayed for the morning.”

“That was a good lie you said earlier,” Caleb complimented as he nudged her to sit in one of the pews. “About why we’re here.”

“I told you before, I’m a really good liar,” she said simply, sitting and sliding until she reached the end of the pew, Caleb following suit after her. “What’d you call me earlier?”

Hm?”

“Earlier,” she clarified, giving him her full attention, “when you called me _mein liebchen_.”

“Oh, uh, just a generic Zemnian term of endearment,” he answered, a little surprised since it had slipped out so naturally he practically forgot he said it at all. “I thought it would, um, help sell the fact we were married. I could stop if it makes you uncomfortable?”

“Oh wait, that’s actually a good idea!” she responded excitedly, giving him a smile, before teasing: “Do I get to know what it means in Common, or do I need to needle it out of you later?”

He smiled back at her, absentmindedly adjusting a daisy back in place in her hair. “It meant my sweetheart.”

She hummed thoughtfully and ignored the warmth blooming from her chest. _It doesn't mean anything_ , she reminded herself. _We’re_ acting _._ But still, she couldn’t stop herself from asking teasingly: “Any other nicknames you’ve got up your sleeve?”

His smile turned into almost an impish grin, and she almost felt pleasantly appalled. “Patience is a virtue, Jester. You’ll find out.”

She gasped and playfully slapped his arm, careful to do it lightly as to not harm him. “Who knew you could be such a _jokester_?”

“Only for you.”

Suddenly the room came to a hush and the two craned their necks behind them to see what the fuss was, their eyes falling to an elven man striding almost impatiently to the altar, dressed much more fancy than anyone else and they figured it must be the groom. Another elven man followed suit after him, almost identical in appearance— brother, she assumed— had it not been for the fact the second elven man clearly did not care about the wedding in the way he presented himself in wrinkled clothes and hair that looked like he had just rolled out of bed five minutes ago and was halfway through dealing with a hangover. The live band, who was idling around, began to awkwardly start the music, still confused after the time disparity.

Eventually, everyone was in order: guests sat excitedly buzzing at the pews, bridesmaids off to one side who were gossiping amongst each others, the live band now getting into the swing of the program and playing a soft summer tune, and the groom and best man were quietly conversing to themselves, almost seeming bored in their air of carelessness. The live band’s music melted into a wedding march, and Jester let herself gasp quietly in her excitement as she saw a young girl and boy who both couldn’t have been older than ten skip ahead, thrusting flower petals along the aisle cheerfully and the boy walking with concentration as he held the wedding bands, before taking their places beside the bridesmaids and best man respectively.

“Oh, my gods, Cayleb,” she breathed, reaching out to clutch his hand in the seat of the pew to catch his attention as hers was enraptured by the next scene. “The bride is _gorgeous_.”

He made an appreciative sound of agreement, and her statement was nothing short of the truth. Though her face was obscured slightly by a translucent veil, her bright orange eyes that shone like stones— like topazes, Jester would remember later— were unmistakable and her almost white blonde hair was pinned behind her in an elegant bun with half her hair cascading down her back in waves, and her dress— _oh,_ her _dress_. It was a lace masterpiece Jester found herself adoring every aspect of it: the sweetheart cut, the ribbon sash, the sleeves that had the perfect mix of translucency and lace, the open back that was visible if you looked at the right moment when her hair didn’t obscure it. She found herself completely enamoured with the dress and the woman in it, who seemed like an angel gracing them from above, and would not have been surprised if she was an aasimar. She was then consumed with a wave of guilt with the knowledge she was about to marry the boss of a trafficking operation and wondered how this even came to be. A question to be pondered later, she reassured herself, but for now, she could enjoy the wedding and its festivities. 

“You are gathered here today to witness the union between Aralistra Nimeris Elafir von Rue IV and Venren Yesanna in marriage,” announced a gnome acting as the officiant behind the altar in a booming voice once she was face to face with her to-be-wed. “With love and commitment, they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife.”

“Don’t you find it weird she has like five names and he has only two?” she muttered to Caleb, whose hand was still clutched in hers, though she made no move to let go, finding it more comfortable than she wished to let on to hold it. He only shrugged noncommittally.

"Do you, Aralistra Nimeris Elafir von Rue IV, take Venren Yesanna to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part, according to the gods’ holy ordinance; and thereto him pledge your faith?"

“I do,” she said with a smile, but Jester squinted at her expression, seeing it was a little strained at the edges, but no one seemed to be showing any concern, and that only seemed to worry her more as the gnome officiant repeated the vow with a few words switched respectively and she watched his reaction with careful interest.

“I do,” he said, though the smile he bore seemed more devilish and it put her on edge. Whatever, her mission wasn’t to meddle in the about to be newlyweds’ affairs, just to uncover the operation the husband was running. Later, when he was exposed for the creep he was, she could be more invested in finding someone more deserving for her. 

“I give this ring as a token of my love,” she said, though it sounded rehearsed and had Jester suppress a frown as she slipped the ring onto his finger, strained smile still in place. “I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am.”

“I give this ring as a token of my love,” he repeated, though his tone seemed to suggest otherwise, mirroring her action for her. “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Jester did not let the disparity between their words escape her, and did not suppress her frown this time. She felt Caleb squeeze her hand reassuringly and saw that he had been watching her reaction to the entire exchange of vows. “He’s kind of an _arschloch_ , isn’t he?”

She didn’t need to be fluent in Zemnian to know he was calling him an asshole, suppressing a laugh as to not seem rude. “ _Definitely_ doesn’t deserve her.”

He looked at her a little sadly before turning his attention back to the altar, and she did the same, albeit a little confused at his look. "By the power vested in me by the gods, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."

Venren lifted the veil at last and Jester was a little shocked at how bright her eyes were when they weren’t obscured by it, sparkling in the natural light that filtered into the chapel. He cupped her face and kissed her chastely, she herself making no movement that wasn’t her eyes closing or mouth moving (even if Jester had a sneaking suspicion he was basically just pressing his lips against the equivalent of a statue) and the room erupted in cheers when he pulled away. She clapped politely, but didn’t miss the dimming of her once bright eyes and when she looked at Caleb, could see he didn’t miss it either.

“Are weddings always this sad?” she asked, the sadness clear in her voice of what she dreamed to be the happiest day of her life to be what seemed nothing more than a charade. “I thought they were meant to be more, y’know, _happy_.”

“Me, too,” he agreed, standing and offering his hand— which she took— to help her to her feet, “but I think it was just the one. It’d be a shame if all weddings were like this, _ja_?”

She groaned at the thought, crossing her arms in frustration. “A terrible thought. When I get married, I should be happy _for real_.”

“When, huh?” he noted, glancing at her sideways as they filed out of the pews. “Have someone in mind already?”

“W-What, _no_!” she sputtered, her face heating up as she glared at Caleb, huffing before asking: “Why— do _you_?”

He shrugged, dropping the person of interest talk. “If I ever get married, it would be a day to remember.”

“If?” she repeated, looking at him curiously. “You don’t think you’re going to marry anyone?”

He smiled sadly at her. “I don’t think anyone will want to marry _me_.”

She could only gape at him, wanting to tell him that that was _stupid_ and of _course_ someone will want to marry him because he’s incredibly handsome and has got one of the brightest minds she’s ever had the pleasure of knowing and that his patience and loyalty for those he cared about could make any heart swell, but nothing came out of her mouth. She only flushed with each revelation, and decided to just shut her mouth to not further embarrass herself. What was going on with her?

* * *

“Well, _hello_ there.” She turned her head and saw the elven man she saw standing beside the groom earlier at the altar and was a little pleased he had decided to clean up his act by brushing through his hair a few times and smoothly a few wrinkles, though the air of a hangover still lingered.

“Hey!” she greeted cheerfully, carefully hiding away any caution in her outward appearance, a little glad to have a distraction to occupy herself from waiting for Caleb to be done mingling with another guest who spoke in only Zemnian, but she wished the distraction at least had the decency to at least pretend they weren’t mentally undressing her. “You’re the best man, right?”

“That I am.” He chuckled and she felt his eyes raking over her body for a _second_ time, shifting a little uncomfortably. “I’m Kylas, and you are?”

“Jester,” she responded with a smile; even though she was uncomfortable, she still didn’t want to cause any trouble by being rude.

“ _Jester_ ,” he repeated, and she immediately wished she hadn’t told him because she hated the way he was letting it roll off his tongue the way he was— hated the way he was trying to make his mouth fit her name pleasantly. “Tell me, are you aware of how _ravishing_ you look right now?”

“Thank you,” she said simply, tightly smiling at him and unsubtly flashing him her wedding band as she adjusted the strap of her dress, narrowing her eyes slightly when she saw he was instead focusing on the thin strap of fabric and her freckled shoulder. “I do happen to be _married_ , however.”

“Well I don’t see him around, do you?” She bristled at his words as he leaned closer into her space to lowly whisper them, but he seemed to take it as a sign to go on. “Think of all the _things_ I could do to you.”

 _This is to be a good guest and not arouse suspicion_ , she reminded herself, steeling her nerves and pushing through her discomfort. _Gods, where was Caleb?_

“Like what?” she asked lamely, too distracted in trying not to throw up to give a better response and was eternally grateful her main mission was not to seduce the groom anymore, but apparently the two words were enough for him, his smile growing into a smirk.

“Why don’t you come with me and find out?” She didn’t know if she’d rather punch him or throw up in his face, and his suggestive expression was making her more uncomfortable by the second.

“Jester.”

“ _Cayleb_ ,” she breathed out in relief as soon as she heard his voice say her name in the way he always said it (but after the way she heard Kylas say it, hearing it made it feel like she was coming home and erased the discomfort), feeling him put a hand on her shoulder and she immediately sought comfort in it by placing her left hand against it. “This is, uh, Kylas— he was the best man for the wedding.”

“I remember,” he said slowly, keeping him under a watchful, yet suspicious, eye, sensing some kind of tension between her and him, and he had the audacity to glare at Caleb. She really hoped he wasn’t an important figure to her dad, because after the mission was done, she’d like nothing more to knock him unconscious. “What were the two of you talking about?”

“Nothing important,” she said easily, wanting nothing more than to drop the conversation and get away from him. “C’mon— you said you’d dance with me when you got back.”

She tugged him along, not before giving Kylas a hasty bow of her head to announce her leave, but she didn’t allow herself to breathe a sigh of relief until she peeked over Caleb’s shoulder and saw he was going off to talk up some other unsuspecting woman. Finding the two of them already in the thrall of other dancing folk on the polished floor of the chapel’s ballroom, she looped her hands around his neck and felt his hands at her waist, still looking at her a little curiously. “Are you okay?”

“ _No_ ,” she answered truthfully, swaying along with him to the summery music the live band was playing, “but it’s fine. It’s over now.”

“What were you really talking about?” he asked, not before he pressed his mouth firmly together at her answer of downplaying her emotions, one she pointedly ignored just because she didn’t feel up to par on dealing with it. “I could see he was making you uncomfortable.”

“He was trying to seduce me,” she said meekly, turning her head away in embarrassment. “I didn’t know what to do, because if it had been anyone else anywhere else, I totally would’ve just kicked his ass or something, but I had to be _polite_ to not cause a scene, so I just _stood_ there just _taking_ it and—”

“Hey.” She abruptly stopped, turning her head to look at him, who was looking at her with fond concern. “It’s not your fault. He was just being a creep and you were just being polite.”

“But maybe if I just told him to _back off_ —”

“He still would’ve been a creep,” Caleb finished for her firmly. “Look, I am all for you taking him out with your Spiritual Weapon, but afterwards, _ja_? Right now, we’re still under your father’s rules.”

She only nodded, not being able to find any words, until finally: “Thank you, Cayleb. For backing me up, for being there for me, for being here at this wedding with me.”

He smiled at her. He whispered, “Of course— what else would a fake husband do?”

She giggled and his smile broadened. “You’re a good fake husband, Cayleb.”

“ _Danke_.” He looked over her shoulder, momentarily distracted. “Hm. It looks like they’ve got the chocolate fountain up and running.”

She gasped dramatically, her eyes wide as she turned to set her eyes on it but found she was just short enough to only see the barest top of the fountain only. “Really? What else do they have?”

“I’m not sure,” he said, shrugging before he turned his gaze back at her. “You want to go and take a look?”

She nodded excitedly and he chuckled, the two of them breaking away before he guided them to the fountain, his hand ghosting the small of her back. When they broke through the sea of people and she caught a glimpse of the newly set up snack table they’ve hidden away in the small corner of the chapel, she gasped again. “This is all I’ve ever dreamed of.”

“Then go get it,” he prompted, nudging her forward with the same hand. “No one’s stopping you, _blaubeere_. I’ll be at a table.”

She excitedly strode forward and fussed with the confections and sugary sweets set before her on the long table, Caleb weaving through other guests and avoiding small talk as he made his way to their table as he waited. She took her time by haphazardly stacking things onto a small plate, not even sure if she’d have the time or stomach to finish them all, but no one was making a move for the table so it was going to go to waste regardless, she reasoned with herself, and that seemed to be enough for her. She went back to the table with a bounce in her step, expertly weaving between the guests and not spilling anything. When she neared, she saw that the groom and best man were idling closeby to their table and were muttering about something. She looked to Caleb to see if he noticed their suspicious behavior, but her heart only fluttered when she saw that he was watching her with a fond expression instead.

“Hey, dearest husband,” she greeted with a teasing tone, trying not to let the two muttering folks know she was in hearing range, and set the plate down carefully. She battled with herself for a split second, wondering if this was a good idea, before— fuck it, she guessed— she sat in his lap sideways. He sputtered and flushed to the color of his hair as she continued to act nonchalant, sticking a chocolate covered strawberry in her mouth and biting it off right before the stem.

“J-Jester?” he questioned incredulously, wondering if this was just a weird trick meant to punish him for his misdeeds. She smiled innocently at him and leaned down to his face and he thought for a split second she was about to kiss him before she moved past to his ear, her hands on his shoulder and under his chin.

“Kylas and the groom are talking behind you. Act natural,” she muttered into his ear and he had to suppress a shiver from how close she was before she pulled away and wrapped an arm around his neck to steady herself. “You’re not allergic to chocolate, are you?”

He could only shake his head, still trying to comprehend what had happened— what was _still_ happening, because Jester was sticking a chocolate strawberry in his mouth now and it took all his willpower to not choke on it. _Gods, does she know what she’s_ doing _to him?_

“Your red-scaled client is arriving soon, Ven.” _Oh, shit_ , Jester thought, trying not to be distracted by Caleb almost choking. _Client? Red-scaled?_

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, says he’s gonna drop the documents in a prayer room.”

“ _Which_ , Kylas— there are dozens of prayer rooms.”

“Uh, he says the one with the stained glass of Pelor— on the right side of the chapel. _Entrance’s_ right.”

“Tell him I’ll stop for the documents later tonight. Lisa will be suspicious if I’m not around making a fool out of myself at this reception— as if I didn’t already do enough of that at the wedding exchanging vows with her like a liar.”

“Tell her she can get the stick out of her ass.”

“That’s my wife you’re slandering. I’d be careful if I were you.”

“Can you stop acting so tense? It’s your wedding day— lighten up, Venny.”

She saw him slap the groom on the back in almost a condescending way and walk away, a frown and furrowed brows on the groom’s face in her peripheral view. Seeing the conversation to be complete, she turned her attention fully to Caleb, who was still under an intense blush and she thought about getting off his lap because clearly it was making him uncomfortable, but figured it’d be suspicious if she got on when they started to talk and got off right when they were done, so she persisted. “You okay, Cayleb?”

“ _Ja_ , _ja_ — totally,” he answered, a little too fast, and he snuck a glance at her before his eyes darted away to the centerpiece of the neighboring table, so she sighed and clambered off, offering her hand to him.

“How about we get outta here?” she asked, nodding her head to the exit. He took her hand and she hauled him up easily to his feet and she guided him to the archway exit, the plate stacked with sugary foods forgotten for the time being. “I’m sorry about earlier— I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just needed to be close enough to hear them and I didn’t want to seem suspicious and—”

“It’s okay,” he said softly, reassuring her with a small smile. She didn’t really feel like that was the hard truth, but she’ll take it for now until she gets to properly apologize to him later. “Did you find anything out?”

“I did!” she cheerfully whispered, smiling wide. “Which reminds me! I need to send a message to Veth— count for me, pretty please?”

“Anything for you, _Schatz_ ,” he said fondly, drawing his hands out to ready themselves for counting. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“We’re not in mixed company right now, Cayleb— you don’t have to call me sweet nicknames anymore,” she reminded him, readying her Sending spell, but he only smiled fondly at her. “Veth! So, tell us if there’s a red, scaly _person_ coming because he’s probably the client the groom was talking about. Uh, Caleb says hi!”

“That’s what you want your last three words to be?” he asked with a teasing smile, and she pouted at him as she waited for a response. “Or, four technically?”

“Will do, Jessie! Gosh, it sounds weird being on the receiving end; how does Essek deal with it all the time? Should I tell Fjord?”

“She’s really making me use another spell?” Jester complained, sighing as she began to ready her second Sending. “Should’ve used my last words to say ‘go tell Fjord.’”

“I can cast Message to her if you’d like to hang onto your spell slots,” Caleb offered, already getting out his copper wire. “It’s only a cantrip.”

“Oh gods, could you?” She made a pleading face and he chuckled, going through the familiar motions of the cantrip in the empty corridor of the chapel.

“Veth, this is Caleb telling you on Jester’s behalf to tell Fjord what she told you. Make haste, please.”

“I got you, Lebby!” And that was it, and he tried not to sigh at her ridiculous nickname for him. Nonetheless, he nodded at Jester to tell her the message went through.

“Can I ask what we’re out here for?” he asked as she began to walk to the right wing of the chapel, he himself following suit. “Does this have something to do with what you heard?”

“Yup! Kylas said their client was going to drop off some documents in a prayer room, so I was thinking we could get there first and ambush him for more information.”

He nodded along, agreeing with what she was saying. “Do you know which one?”

“The room should have stained glass of Pelor, which means we’re going to have to go through all of these doors,” she said glumly as they slowed to a stop, realizing how many doors there were. _There must be at least a dozen_ , he thought to himself.

“Why don’t we split up the work,” he suggested. “You can start on the left end and I can start on the right and we’ll meet in the middle. Sound fair?”

She gave a thumbs up and immediately got to work, turning knobs slowly to minimize the chance it’ll creak loudly and echo off the very acoustic corridors of the chapel while Caleb did the same on the opposite end.

“Caleb! Code red! Red scale alert! Literally approaching right now! Respond to this message at your own risk!”

“ _Schiesse_ ,” he muttered under his breath, nowhere near done and a quick glance towards Jester showed that she wasn’t either. He strode over her just as she poked her head back out of what looked to be another wrong room considering the look on her face. “Jester, we’ve got trouble coming.”

“ _What_?” she exclaimed quietly and sure enough came the soft echoes of footsteps. _Shit_. “But we’re not done!”

“ _Ja_ , so what now?” he asked worriedly, giving her full authority and saw her have an internal battle with herself, biting at her lower lip anxiously as her hands ran down her face. She could sense the figure was just about to peer around the corner and so—

“I’m sorry, Cayleb.” And she was pulling him by the lapels of his coat to her and arching into him, her mouth catching his clumsily as he responded with near immediate vigor, the feeling of rightness and that this was all she ever wanted to do overwhelming her. His hands came to her face, and she vaguely smelled the familiar scent of campfire on them and muffled a moan against his mouth. She couldn’t remember if this was one long kiss or if they kept coming back for each other, or when her arms came to wrap themselves around his neck to bring him closer— was her heart always beating this loud?

“ _Ahem_.”

They broke apart abruptly to see a very scandalized looking red dragonborn looking away, their heartbeats deafening. Jester threaded her fingers through Caleb’s and squeezed tightly, and they both had the decency to look embarrassed. “We’re sorry, sir,” Jester managed to choke out. “We’ll get out of your way.”

And she scurried away to the stairwell close to the end of the corridor with Caleb in hand, hiding behind the wall provided as Jester peeked over the side, making note of which room he was sneaking into. She was still breathing heavily, but she forced herself to keep the task at hand her top priority. She waited for the dragonborn to leave the room and shut the door behind him before speaking.

“Okay, he’s leaving,” she whispered and she turned to finally look at Caleb, “but I think we should wait for… a bit… Cayleb?”

He was doing his best to take deep breaths, but his mind was absolutely _reeling_ from what just happened, and the only thing that was happening to ground him was Jester’s hand still intertwined with his. He was staring intensely at her— as if he was trying to read her mind—, and she almost felt compelled to hold his gaze. “ _Jester_.” He swallowed thickly, because he needs just _one_ more moment to recollect himself when she’s staring with such concern. “Jester… what are we _doing_?”

She finally averts her gaze, and she squeezes his hand. “We’re gonna wait just a little more so it doesn’t seem suspicious and then go take a look at the documents for my dad,” she said, deliberately misunderstanding his words.

“Jester, _please_ ,” and she almost wanted to throw everything out the window just to kiss him again if it didn’t have such dire consequences, the rawness of his tone compelling her to look at him. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

She held regret in her eyes and she brought his hand to her mouth, his knuckles pressed against her delicate lips still raw from kissing. “I promise we’ll talk about it later, okay? Let’s just get through the mission first, please?” she mumbled against his skin, as if hiding behind his hand.

“Okay, _ja_. After the mission, then?” She nods, staring at him with gratitude before pressing her lips firmly against the soft back of his hand, her eyes squeezing shut as she breathed deeply, as if trying to steady herself, staying until he felt her breath tickle his hand and she pulled away, their hands no longer tangled with each other and he curled his hand into a fist to stave off the feeling of emptiness to no avail. An entire fool, he was.

“Let’s go— I think he’s gone now,” she whispered, standing up on wobbly legs. She waited for him to do the same, awkwardly wrapping her arms around herself as she did. They made their way to the door that Jester pointed out, gently cracking open the door to make as little noise as possible. She slowly peered inside, the room awash in a multitude of colors that would’ve made her breath caught in her throat if she wasn’t already a little out of sorts from earlier— the stained glass of Pelor was warm and bright, the sunlight filtering through in reds and yellows. Truly the Dawnfather indeed. She whispered: “Cayleb! _Psst_ , it’s empty!”

“Go look at the altar,” he prompted, matching her volume, stepping inside after her, shutting the door silently behind him. “I’ll look around the room to see if it’s anywhere else.”

She nodded and made her way to the altar that sat directly under the stained glass, sweeping her hand under the small gap between the floor and altar, but her fingertips didn’t brush on anything but a couple cobwebs. She ran her fingers across the wood of the altar, looking for a secret compartment as she worked her way up before prying open the cover, surprised to see it give way easily. She skimmed a few lines of the most recently placed document before calling out to Caleb quietly: “Cayleb! I found something!”

He strode over and she carefully held open the cover so it didn’t fall loudly, shuffling to the side so they could both read it without disturbing any of its contents. It read:

_Venren,_   
_The sewer systems are open for your business. They will lead to the outskirts of Rexxentrum, where I will meet you to accompany your packages to the Savalierwood. There, the packages will be sold. I will only wait for two days and if I am not met by the third of Fessuran, I will be forced to assume the deal is off._   
_Nadhalle_

“Jester, are you okay?”

“Hm?”

“You’re shaking.”

She was? Oh— she _was_. She hastily shut the cover, intending to dismiss it, to smile it off and to leave, but her throat felt like it was closing itself off and it was getting so hard to breath and— _and—_

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked in a hushed tone, brushing a few stray bangs away from her eyes. She turned to look at him, but her vision seemed to have blurred and all she could make out was a figure backlit by the stained glass of the Dawnfather. _Oh_ , she realized, _those were tears._

“I- I don’t know,” she choked out, hurrying to wipe her eyes from the fat tears that were rolling down her face. “I think it’s just really similar to what happened to me. When I was with, um, when I was with Lorenzo.”

His gaze softened and he brought a hand to his, threading his fingers through and squeezing it reassuringly, his other hand cupping his face— one she took the opportunity to lean into for comfort. She looked at him with a distress, desperation clear in every feature of her face. “Hey, hey: close your eyes. I want you to breath in for four, and out for eight. Can you do that for me?”

She nodded shakily and did as he instructed and repeated it until she slowly started to feel like she wasn’t about to die any second. Her eyes still squeezed shut tightly, she drew herself a little closer towards the direction of where she thought Caleb was. “Cayleb? Are you still there?”

“I’m right here, Jester.” She let herself relax some tension from her shoulders, however slightly. “We’re safe. _You’re_ safe.”

She laid her head forward, her forehead connecting to a warm chest and a fast beating heart. She must’ve really worried him for his heart to be beating so wildly, she figured. She let herself just barely breathe in the smell of his clothes— of a campfire and the distant scent of her perfume from earlier— before she gave a discontent hum akin to nearly a groan. “Gods, we need to get outta here. We need to tell- tell Veth and Fjord and oh man, Caduceus is probably still in the kitchen and—”

“Hey, hey— one step at a time, alright?” She nodded and pulled away a little reluctantly, her fingers drawing away from his and immediately her hands felt cold, so she wrapped her arms around herself to occupy them. “What first, _liebhaberin_?”

She took a deep breath to steady herself. “I’ll send a message to Caduceus so he has time to leave the kitchen, and you can send a message to Veth for her to create a distraction— not a big one, just so her and Fjord can leave guard duty. I don’t think ruining the wedding would be very fun.”

He gave her a half-hearted smile at her attempt to deflect the situation with a joke, and he wiped a stray tear off her cheek before he began to pull the copper wire out, turning away to cast Message as she prepared Sending. She silently wondered if she had made an entire fool of herself today, and if she’d ever be able to recover. She prayed she would.

* * *

“Jester?” A simple two note knock sounded at her already open door on the same inn they had conspired in that morning.

“Hey, come in!” she prompted, finishing folding her dress and storing it neatly in her haversack. She sat on the bed while Caleb shut the door behind him, continuing to stand even as she patted the space next to him to invite him to sit.

“I’m sorry for catching you so late, it’s just that earlier at the Gentleman after we explained what happened, you were gone so fast,” he apologized and she only stiffly nodded, unable to admit she had been avoiding conversation after the shitshow of feelings she got herself into that was tied together nicely with a fat, shiny bow of embarrassment. Even thinking about the wedding felt like too much for her, still raw with emotions and shame.

“Don’t worry about it, we can talk now,” she told him, waving a dismissive hand and setting the pink and sparkly haversack at her feet by the bed. “What’s up?”

“ _Ja_ , uh, can we talk about what happened earlier?” Her face almost fell at the memory, who had been silently wishing to forget how foolish she was acting earlier, but she caught herself quickly. She instead chose to smile at him to carefully hide how she was feeling.

“Mhmm,” she hummed, too untrusting of herself to trust herself with words. She fiddled nervously with the wedding band still around her finger, twisting it around with her thumb and forefinger and saw Caleb’s gaze flicker to it briefly in surprise. She felt a little awkward about it and thought about taking it off, but— _later_ , she reasoned. “What about, like, _specifically_?”

She could tell he didn’t quite believe her ignorance, but was grateful he didn’t call her out on it. “Can we talk about the kiss and what… what it meant?”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to,” Jester offered quickly, afraid she was making him deeply uncomfortable with everything that went on today, and she wanted to offer him an out— just in case he needed it. She owed him that much, at least. He held her gaze for a few moments, the look in his eyes intense with something she couldn’t recognize.

“And if I do?” he asked, his voice uncharacteristically low and gravelly, practically guttural and sounding very pained, as if it physically hurt him to say those words. Jester felt like someone had just taken her heart and squeezed it just enough to hurt, but not enough to die, and an overwhelming fondness for him— someone who bore his heart approximately never until now— to _her_ — flooded her senses. It scared her.

“Then you do,” she told him softly, her eyes tender and vulnerable, but she didn’t say more; she couldn’t— or rather, she _wouldn’t_. What would she even say?

“And you?” he ventured nervously, shuffling ever so slightly to her, almost imperceptible had she already not been so attuned to him and every movement he made right now. He didn’t say more than that, and she understood the unsaid words. It only made her shift her gaze to her bare feet, her unlaced boots to the side, heaving a quiet sigh.

“Of course it meant something.” She tried to answer as flatly as she could just so she could avoid making a fool out of herself _again_ for dragging her feelings into something. She fiddled with her ring again, pressing it hard against her skin to distract her. “But why should that matter? It was just a kiss, we’ll get over it, right?”

“It matters because I care about you,” he said, almost as if it was obvious— and she _knew_ that. Deep down, she knew that every one of the Mighty Nein cared about each other and were willing to lay down their lives for each other. “I care about what you think about.”

“And what do _you_ think about it?” she asked carefully, gazing at him with a guarded look in her eyes, deflecting a direct response to what he said. “Surely you _must_ have some thoughts.”

“Ah, well, I think you handled yourself very well today in spite of what was happening,” he said truthfully, but she couldn’t help but focus on how careful he was saying his words. He gave her a half smile, still awkward, but tried to joke: “Plus, you were a very good kisser.”

“I’m sure Astrid was a much better kisser,” Jester joked drily in response, a mirthless smile playing at her lips, and she wondered why her spirit and mission to lighten the mood wasn’t with her as she saw his smile fall. _I’m just screwing up missions left and right today, huh_ , she thought to herself a little grimly. She continued bitterly: “I’m sure she made you wonderfully starstruck and keen in _love_.”

Saying the word made her press her tongue against the roof of her mouth hard, as if wanting to forget it ever left her mouth. She only pressed harder at the fond and concerned look Caleb was giving her.

“Jester...” and his voice was soft and fond and she wanted to cry— this felt like pity and it made her insides churn.

“It’s okay,” she interjected, not wanting to hear pity-fueled remarks of comfort. She may be a fool, but she was better than that. “Look, I’m just tired and it’s been a long day, and I just want to get to sleep. If you really, _really_ want, we can talk about it tomorrow, okay?”

She knew she was being uncharacteristically unfair, that him coming to her tonight was already a big step out of his comfort zone and to come to her a second time would not come at all. She watched him swallow hard, but he did not mention her purposeful deceit, and it only made her feel worse. “ _Ja_ , okay. I’m sorry to have, uh, disturbed your night.”

“Goodnight, Cayleb,” she said softly, unable to keep his name out of her mouth before he left, and the sentiment almost made her feel sick to her stomach in confusion and turmoil. He only nodded curtly, no goodnight in tow, and it was almost enough to make this already emotion infested day and night bring another bout of tears if she didn’t bite at her lower lip hard. What was good about this night, anyways?

“Jester?”

“Yeah?” she prompted, a little hopeful and she didn’t even know what the hope was for.

“You are not foolish for not knowing how you feel. I _do_ think it’s a little foolish of you to pretend you do.”

And her door closed without another sound, and this time she did not stop the bout of tears.

**Author's Note:**

> second day of widojest week 2020 comin atcha! i had a little more fun with this, and the angst at the end really came at me unexpectedly as i was writing, but impostor syndrome is a bitch and our pretty little blue tiefling carries the burden hard. anyways, hope you had a good read, stay safe folks and remember you're worth good things in the world <3!  
> (you can catch me @thegirlofsmarts on tumblr!)


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